You control me like a marionette.

Give my life to God, live only for God and let go of my own wants. Do things how He wants them to be done and let go of my habits. After coming home from an even as spiritual as ATF, and being around people who want the same things as me is amazing. It’s a big help to have other believers on the same page as you and wanting to live out their faith.  Why I find living for Jesus so challenging is because I’m covered in chains or puppet strings like a marionette. All my strings and chains are what are keeping me from experiencing God to the fullest, keeping me from getting closer to him. I am my biggest problem, I always want to do stupid things that I think are good ideas at the time, or will satisfy me but me just keep doing the same things over and over with the same result. Emptiness. For example, Guys. It’s like a drug to get a guy to say I’m pretty or accept me for who I am. You know, like the millions of romance movies out there about the perfect guy who treats you amazing and puts you above everything else. Well me wanting that love from someone led me to change myself thinking that I was not good enough. My clothes, my hair, my makeup the way I dress, where I shop, how I talk, even to compromise what I believe in and become a fake person. It’s like whenever I start feeling sad or depressed I immediately go back to those stupid guys who really could care less! I put all this time and effort into morphing what I wanted people to think about me. Always a fail, every time. Another one of my strings are laziness, and not wanting to do anything. In school partiructaly, I always put off my work and never do it. For whatever the reason may be like I feel like it’s too hard or I simply would rather be doing something else. Something else stupid for that matter, I put things off. The point is I want to Worship Jesus with everything that I do. With school, my friends, the music I listen to, the way I treat people, with the way I dress.  Colossians 3:23 says,” Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.”  Dear God please cut these strings and unbound these chains so I can live completely for you and find freedom from bondage.